There was a time when I’d sit glued to my phone, waiting.
Waiting for a friend to say, “Let’s hang.” Waiting for a girl to text back. Waiting for anything that would give me an excuse to escape my own life for a few hours.
That same period was filled with frustration about my business. I knew I wanted more, but I wasn’t making the progress I knew I was capable of.
And instead of confronting that, I distracted myself.
Then I started taking my business seriously.
Not “talk about my big plans at the bar” seriously.
I mean actually organizing my life around building the thing.
And pretty quickly, I realized something uncomfortable:
Not everybody could come with me.
Some People Belong to a Different Version of Your Life
Some of the people around me were keeping me connected to the version of myself I was trying to leave behind.
Not because they were bad people.
We just wanted different lives.
That distinction matters.
You don’t need to turn an old friend into a villain just because you’re changing. But years of history don’t mean someone automatically gets unlimited access to your time forever.
Eventually, invitations that used to sound fun started sounding different.
Let’s grab drinks.
Let’s go out.
When are we hanging out, Mr. Busy?
My friends weren’t the problem.
The pattern was.
I knew what could happen when I said yes. One night out becomes a late morning. The late morning kills the workout. Work gets pushed back. Then I’m telling myself:
I’ll get serious again tomorrow.
Sometimes going out was worth it.
A lot of times it wasn’t.
And once I became serious about what I wanted to build, I had to become more careful about the difference.
Every Yes Costs Something
Your time is limited.
So every time you say yes to something, you’re saying no to something else.
That doesn’t mean you need to become some antisocial weirdo who refuses to leave his house because he’s “on the grind.”
Relationships matter. Experiences matter. Sometimes hanging out with your friends is exactly what you should be doing.
But I stopped saying yes automatically.
If I was locked in on work and somebody wanted to go drinking on a random Tuesday, I didn’t need to invent an excuse.
“I’m busy with work and the gym right now.”
That’s enough.
A real friend might wish they saw you more.
But they shouldn’t need you to fuck up your priorities to prove you care about them.
What a Good Friend Actually Wants for You
There’s a scene near the end of Good Will Hunting that I’ve always liked.
Chuckie has been picking Will up for work every day. But he tells him that the best part of his day is the few seconds when he walks up to Will’s door and hopes Will won’t be there.
Not because he doesn’t want to see his friend.
Because he knows Will is capable of more.
Then one day Chuckie walks up to the house.
Will is gone.
And Chuckie smiles.
That’s a friend.
He’d rather lose his drinking buddy than watch his friend waste his life.
I think that’s a much better way to look at friendship.
A real friend doesn’t need you to stay the same so the friendship can stay the same.
My Circle Changed
Once I started protecting my time, some old friendships naturally became less important.
I didn’t announce that I was “cutting people off.”
There was no dramatic breakup.
We just started seeing each other less.
And other people eventually entered my life.
People building businesses. People who trained. People with their own shit going on.
If I couldn’t hang out on Tuesday because I was working, they understood.
They were busy too.
And that’s something I wish I’d understood earlier.
You don’t necessarily need to go through your contact list deciding who is worthy of being your friend.
Start taking your own life seriously and some of that sorting happens by itself.
The people going in a similar direction tend to stick around.
Others don’t.
That’s okay.
You Don’t Owe Everybody Your Time
I’m not telling you to abandon your friends for your business.
I’m telling you to decide what matters to you and stop feeling guilty when your decisions reflect it.
Sometimes your friend should get the evening.
Sometimes your business should.
Sometimes you should shut the laptop and go make a memory.
Other times you need to say:
Not tonight. I have shit to do.
You have to know the difference.
Because five years can disappear pretty fucking quickly when you’re always available for everybody else’s plans.
And if you’re trying to change your life, eventually some people are going to see less of you.
That doesn’t mean you stopped caring about them.
You can care about people without organizing your life around them.
Your friends have their lives to build.
You have yours.
Don’t neglect the people who matter.
But don’t neglect yourself to keep them happy either.
Your man,
Uncle Blayde