Before I committed my life to Excel & Compel, I was lost.
Not lost in a poetic, finding-myself kind of way—but lost in the way where you’re moving fast, working hard, and still going nowhere.
I was naive enough to believe paradise was waiting for me inside someone else’s dream. So I followed the path I thought I was supposed to follow, only to discover it led me straight to hell.
But I escaped.
And I brought everything I learned in the dark with me.
What Hell Actually Looks Like
Hell isn’t fire and brimstone. There were no monsters where I was. No red devils.
Just me—alone with my thoughts—wanting, wishing, and praying for a better life while being too blind to see the exit door standing right in front of me.
I was blinded by greed. I wanted the flashy cars, penthouse, Rolex, Italian clothing, “pay for play” broads—the whole performance. I wanted to live like the guys I idolized, and I thought all that shit would fill me up.
It didn’t.
What some “successful” people never mention is that the lifestyle can cost more than money.
It can cost you your soul.
I was making around $350 a day doing work I secretly despised. By most standards, that’s decent money.
But I was miserable.
I had to write positive affirmations every morning just to drag myself to work:
“I am a magnet for success. I attract high-paying clients that love to work with me.”
Then I’d try to patch the hole in my soul by chasing girls and doing dumb shit like dropping $1,200 on Chelsea boots and $300 shirts.
I was living paycheck to paycheck—not because I wasn’t earning, but because I had nothing real to live for.
I knew I was supposed to be a writer, but the money from my shit job felt too good to walk away from.
So I stayed in hell and called it stability.
The Door Was Always Unlocked
Here’s something I wish someone had told me sooner:
Suffering comes with an unlocked door.
It doesn’t always feel that way. But sometimes the thing keeping you inside isn’t a lock.
It’s the fear of walking out.
The exit looks different for everyone. Maybe it’s breaking an addiction. Getting healthy. Building a body you’re proud of. Starting the business that could give you the life you actually want.
Only you know what your door looks like.
For me, it was Excel & Compel.
After getting dirt kicked in my face enough times, my gut finally told me:
Okay. Now you’re ready.
Dedicate your life to spreading the good word, and what you need will come.
So I bought the domain, bought the hosting, and started putting everything I’d learned in the dark into words.
And what does following that mission every day feel like?
Like I was shot out of a cannon and sent straight to heaven.
Sometimes You Aren’t Ready Yet
If you haven’t found your door, keep looking.
But here’s the truth nobody wants to say out loud:
Sometimes you’re not ready to walk through it yet.
Heaven has a dress code. It’s invite-only. You can’t stroll in still acting like a heathen.
In my experience, you have to understand what suffering taught you before you’re ready to leave it behind. Otherwise, when life gets difficult again, you’ll be tempted to run straight back to what you already know.
It took me nine years to find the door the first time.
Then another three to find it again after I blew my first shot because I didn’t know how to behave once I got there.
Was it frustrating?
Absolutely.
Did I think about giving up?
There was one moment where I got close.
But I found the door again.
And the second time, I was ready.
Your Roots Need the Darkness
There’s a Carl Jung quote that lifted me up when I was about to stay down:
“No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”
You want to soar like a great redwood?
Your roots are going to have to reach somewhere dark first.
So if you’re suffering right now, don’t automatically assume it’s meaningless.
Pay attention.
The struggle may be building the root system you’ll need when you finally break through the surface.
Light gives meaning to darkness. Triumph means something because we know what defeat feels like.
That doesn’t mean suffering automatically produces success.
Suffering gives you raw material.
What you make from it is up to you.
The Alchemy Is Real
Embrace the suffering—but don’t waste it.
Keep a notebook. Write down the lessons. What worked. What failed. What hurt. What you wish someone had told you.
You’re going to want those lessons later.
Press forward and trust your gut—the same way I trusted mine when it told me to drop everything and move to Mexico.
Because that’s what alchemy really is:
Taking something that looked worthless and turning it into gold.
The hell you’re living through right now can become material for something extraordinary.
It happened for me.
Now go find out what you can make from yours.
— Uncle Blayde